Dating Safety

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First Date Know-How

Teen dating violence often is hidden because teenagers are inexperienced, want independence from their parents. and they are pressured by peers to begin dating at an early age.

Be careful when agreeing to meet anyone in person that you were set up with as in a blind date or if it's your first date with someone you don't really know much about.

Set the conditions for your date and do not let the other person change them. Remember, you really do not know someone until you spend time with them in person.

Always tell someone where you are going with your date and when you will return. Leave your date's full name and telephone numbers with that person and write it down. Let them know that if you don't come home or call them by that time to alert your parents or come looking for you.

If your date wants you to keep it secret, this is a very big red flag. Protect yourself. Insist on having those details about that first date. Don't let him tell you it's a surprise. If you date for awhile and he wants to surprise you later, ok, but not on the first date.

Always meet in a public place that you are familiar with on your first date. Stay near other people in a lighted area. Getting together for lunch or dinner is a pleasant, casual way to get to know someone.

Pay attention to everything that this person has told you about him or herself. If you find out that your date has lied about anything, this is another red flag.

Do not bring your date back to your house after the first meeting. You do not know this person. Use common sense.

Be smart and be safe. Take control of your future. Know what you are getting into before you invest your heart, money, or your life. Information is the key.

Meeting someone for a date that you only met online?

That cute boy or girl who sent you his or her picture and chatted with you for months may very well be a big ugly 40-something guy who is a criminal and intends to do you harm instead. Don't take chances with online aquantances. These predators use the net to lure teenagers into meeting them and they are very smart. Make sure your parents are involved in that first meeting.

Never allow yourself to be picked up from your house by a stranger you met online! Giving your address out to a stranger is not safe. Arrange your own transportation so that you can leave if there is any sign of trouble.

Date Rape Prevention

When rape occurs, the rapist is usually an acquaintance, a friend, or a date. Even though people know that forced sexual intercourse is rape, they often don't think it is considered rape if it is happens on a date. Wrong. It's still rape.

When teens experience violence in an ongoing relationship they are likely to keep it a secret if they think it is their fault. You need to know that you should not accept any form of violence, that sexual violence is never your fault, and that you can go to your parents for help.

Dating guidelines

Know your own wishes, limits, and values, and clearly communicate them to your date. Boys should listen to their date's limits and respect them. If they don't, don't go out with them.

Notice if your date is not respecting your limits and wishes or if your date's behavior doesn't seem right.

Trust your feelings and intuition; if you are feeling pressured into sex, it's your right to say "no."

Be assertive and act immediately if your limits are reached-even if it means making a scene. Again, you have the right to say "NO".

Understand that it is never too late to say "no" and never too late to hear "no."

Date rape is a particular problem for teen girls and young women, especially college students who are away from home and on their own for the first time.

For Teen Girls

Avoid drugs or alcohol. Substance use reduces one's ability to think clearly and manage one's behavior. It makes it harder to resist sexual aggression.

When at a party, girls should always pour their own beverages and keep them within sight. Date-rape drugs can be put in drinks and are often undetectable. These drugs can induce a loss of muscle control and consciousness. They also affect memory.

Meet a date in a public place or stay around others. Avoid isolation and darkness, especially at the beginning of a new relationship.

Tell someone about the date, where it will take place, and what time it will end. Take a cell phone along if possible and leave the number with someone who can call if he or she gets worried.

Go to parties with a buddy and look after each other. Always have a way home.

For Teen Boys

Avoid drugs and alcohol. These can lead to sexual aggression and reduced ability to respond respectfully to a date.

Accept that "no" means "no." If a girl says "no" and a boy continues to force intercourse, it is rape. This is true even if he spends a lot of money on his date, she is dressed suggestively, or she is drunk. It is rape even if the couple has been dating for a long time or she agreed to sex before.

Resources and Contacts where you can get more information and help

National Domestic Violence Hotline; 1-800-799- SAFE

Refuge; 24-hr Domestic Violence Helpline in the UK 0808 2000 247

How to help a friend or family member who is being abused

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